Is Positive Thinking Sabotaging Your Business?
Be Brilliant In Your Business Podcast, Episode 68
When it comes to mindset for success, positive thinking seems to be the golden child.
Mindset is so misunderstood, that even some mindset coaches fall into the trap of preaching positive thinking as the way to live a fulfilling and happy life.
When things go wrong, just think happy thoughts…if you believe hard enough, you can have whatever you want.
This is confusing because, as humans, we are not happy all the time. Even with positive thoughts, we experience negative emotions over 50% of our lives. And when we believe that we “should” be thinking positively, and struggle to do so, we create big problems in our lives in our businesses.
One of these problems is something I call “fluffy thoughts” - or thoughts that sound positive but have a sneaky undertone of self-sabotage.
Today we are exploring a few common fluffy thoughts, and how to catch them so you can regain control and stay on track with your goals.
Key Takeaways:
Your thoughts create your feelings, which drive your actions.
Instead of labeling a thought positive or negative, take a look at the outcome it produces to decide if it's a useful thought, or not.
5 fluffy thoughts to be aware of, and exactly why they aren't useful.
How to find new thoughts that move you forward right away.
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Credits: Sound production by hearnoevilmedia.com
Transcript
You are listening to Be Brilliant in Your Business, the podcast for small business owners to be focused, energized and in charge as you build the business you love.
Hey guys, how you doing? Today we are talking about fluffy thoughts, which are positive thoughts. That sound really lovely, but don't actually help us to create the things we want in our business.
So one misconception that gets us into a lot of trouble This idea that positive thinking is Good thinking. As humans, we like to label everything. And we generally choose labels like, good or bad, right or wrong. We have this very binary system for labeling things. But the truth is, very few things in the world are this or that. Our modern world is so much more complex, and it's all really subjective.
And the reason that we label things is because it gives us comfort, it helps us kind of make sense of things. But the problem then is that we adopt a lot of labels from other people. And we don't really question our own understanding of them. We just sort of take it in and label it, call it the thing and then live our life by it in the reason that I'm bringing this up is because I think that we have kind of adopted this idea about positive thinking as the golden rule of success. And the more positive you think, the more good things will happen. And then you can live happily ever after just as long as you're a positive, optimistic person.
But positive thinking is not inherently useful. It's not good, sometimes are positive thoughts are sneaky saboteurs. So we're going to talk about some of those today, specifically the ones that I am calling fluffy. And I want to encourage you, instead of labeling your own thoughts as positive or negative, really start considering them simply as useful or not useful to you right now. Because it's a lot more powerful to be aligned than it is to be positive.
So the first thing is that it's important to know that thoughts create your feelings. So every thought that you have generates a vibration in your body. And that vibration is the predominant driving force of the app. actions that you take. So the reason that positive thinking is assumed to be good is because positive thoughts will generate positive feelings, and we like to feel good. It's kind of our thing.
But here's the catch. Feeling good isn't always the best thing for us, especially as business owners, especially when what we're trying to do is grow. Growing requires us to be uncomfortable. And often what happens is that people really try to resist their discomfort and their negative feelings and try to override it with positive thinking, or with fluffy thoughts. So I'm going to share some common fluffy thoughts that I want you to be on the lookout for.
But again, what I really want you to take away from this is the consideration of is this thought useful to me right now, rather than labeling it Just think of it as useful or not useful because some times a thought might be useful. And other times it might not be useful. So it's really important that you create awareness around how you feel when you think it, and then what actions it inspires you to take.
Alright, so some fluffy thoughts. Here's the first one, you'll love this one.
“I'm sure it'll all work out.” Oof. Don't say this. Don't say this to your coach. Don't say this to yourself. Because what this does is it takes you out of the driver's seat, it actually takes you out of the equation all together.
I do believe that it's true, that things do always work out. But often when my clients say this to me, they're saying it because they feel uncertainty they feel doubt. And instead of processing and allowing those emotions and staying the course with those emotions, they want to take their foot off the gas pedal, and then just hope for the best. And all this does the more you tell yourself that it'll probably all work out.
You are abdicating responsibility to something other than yourself. And really, that's not fair to you, or whatever it is that you are making responsible for your future. Don't do that. Don't hope for the best. Don't hope things will work out. Be really intentional in the way that you think so that you can show up and be in charge no matter what happens.
You're always the one in charge of how it works out.
Alright, second fluffy thought. “It's not that big of a deal.” This is what you say to mitigate your disappointment. Often we say to ourselves before we even try something or before we actually finish something. And then the moment that you do that, you're just letting yourself off the hook from going All in. That's what it is you're stopping yourself at the 30% mark, or the 80% mark, or sometimes the 99% mark, and then going, Hey, this doesn't have to be 100%. It's not that big of a deal.
And you're talking yourself out of being fully committed. You think you're being kind and generous to yourself, and you're just wrong about that you're letting yourself fall short from what it is that you truly want.
Here's the thing I would rather you go after the things that you want with 100% and then be 100% disappointed. I would rather you think that it is actually a really big deal, that you go all in on the things that you want, and then get to the other side of it and go, that sucked. That is not what I wanted to have happen. That's so much better for you in the grand scheme of things, than telling yourself along the way. It's not that big of a deal. You don't have to be 100%. It's okay if it doesn't work out. Don't say these things to yourself. It's really not kind.
Okay, another fluffy thought. “I just want to be inspired.” Hmm, this one sounds lovely, doesn't it? It sounds really reasonable. But I want you to check in when you think this because if it motivates you to get inspired, right, like if you think I want to be inspired, so you go and you download all your ideas, and you pick the one that is the most exciting to you.
If that is the action you're inspired to take when you think this thought then great, go for it. desire to be inspired, go and do it. But if the action looks more like inaction, like waiting, and pondering and aimlessly scrolling through things through, it's through Pinterest boards or Instagram, right If that is what it's producing for you, then it's a fluffy thought. It's not useful to you.
And here's another one. “I'm so excited.” Again, this one surprises people, because isn't it great to be excited? Isn't that exactly what we all want to be? Well, yes, it does feel great to be excited. But really think about this. When you are genuinely excited, what do you do?
I remember when I was younger, and I lived in Los Angeles, and I would have a friend or a family member come and visit me from out of state. And I remember I'd be so excited when I picked them up from the airport. And then as soon as they got in the car, I would just like word vomit all over them. I was really unfocused, I was driving terribly. It was probably really scary to be in the car with me. I felt really rushed. I couldn't wait to show them everything. I couldn't wait to show them my house. I wanted to to drive them around the city, tell them like everything that you know that I had learned about the city. And it was probably a really overwhelming experience for people.
Now think about that energy when you're on a sales call or on a webinar, or you're speaking or writing something. The actual frequency of excitement is rarely when you're going to do your best work. It's frenetic, it's scattered, it's unfocused. It's not being in control of creating the way that you want to be creating. So it may feel good, but it may not be serving you.
Another one is, “it's a good problem to have.” You guys, there's no such thing as a good problem. Our brain does not understand this. The thought that precedes this thought always has a shirt in it. You think you have a problem and then you think you shouldn't have a problem, right? Or you think you should be happy, because these things are happening, but you actually see it as a problem.
And anytime we have should thoughts, they always produce shame or guilt. And the actions that you take from shame or guilt? Well, I'm certain that you don't love how you behave. When you feel shame or guilt, just look at some of the things that you do. So it's a good problem to have is basically like saying, I am unhappy that I think I should be happy and therefore I'm going to call this a good problem.
So I always want to just double check these thoughts - how does it feel inside my body? What kind of action will I take from this place?
So now you can start thinking about whether a thought is useful or not useful to you. This is gonna give you so much insight into just where your mind is that when you think you're thinking things that are good, and just start to notice, like, okay, maybe this is or isn't useful. This is always the indicator to help you get there.
So as you start to uncover thoughts that you have that are not useful, you are probably wondering what to be thinking. Instead, I thought you might ask that.
Well, I'm not going to tell you exactly what to think. Because it's important that you generate your own thoughts that you already believe and know to be true, if I give you thoughts to think it's basically like giving you affirmations to recite, and those really don't work.
So what I find helpful is to use our feelings again, to help us uncover the thoughts that are useful to us.
So I want to share with you some feelings that create vital action so The feelings that get us into action towards the things that we want to create. So here are some: courageous, curious, self sufficient, committed, constructive, focused in certain.
All of these feelings are generally useful to help us create vital action. And so when you come up with a feeling that you want and I also want to say just notice that these feelings are not necessarily, quote, positive feelings today may include a little bit of discomfort, right, like courageous, doesn't feel positive, it feels kind of scary, right?
So come up with these feelings, knowing that they don't necessarily need to be positive feelings, but feelings that will get you into the action you want to be taking. And then having that feeling that you want Want you to just remember a time when you felt that way.
Just think back to a time when you felt courageous. And get into that space a little bit and ask yourself, why did I feel that? And then the answer to why did you feel courageous is going to show you a thought it will be a thought that you have. So you might remember a time when you felt courageous.
And you're like, oh, I was feeling so courageous because I was thinking, you know, I'm capable of anything. I'm willing to do this in order to get what I want. I know that the worst case scenario is something I can totally handle, right? Anything that comes up for you, those are thoughts that are useful to help you generate that feeling.
So it's kind of fun to work backwards that way. But that thought is what creates the feeling. And the more that you think that thought that you already believe because it's your thought, the more you can get into that state and it inspire you into action and it will continue to move you forward.
I hope that this has been helpful. I really want you feeling intentional and certain and focused and ready to move forward and letting go of some of the fluffy thoughts that might be holding you back. All right, guys, have a great week.
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